so basiclaly my day:
got off work and txted my friend and asked if her and my ex wanted to hang and they said sure - so i went home got changed and ran to the bus and missed it so i came hope threw my hoodie and managed to break the zipper. i walked to the further bus stop and bussed to moody middle and walked around for an hour and then told them to come down and found out they were at IHOP before which meant a lot to me because honestly id so much like to be love and appreciated by those two and they always seem to ahve the most fun - at least wehn im not there. so i went to dairy queen got some food and walked to the bridge behind the lotus dealership until thye got there then we fucked around for an hour or two while i ran away every once in a while because i had bursts of sadness and then i just went quiet listened to music and felt as much neglected as i ever have, i just sat there and they got mad and called me a buzz kill but i felt so fucking terrible and they realised it and i knew i was in one of those moods - and i knew i was gonna do something i was gonna regret - or refuse something and regret it, so we went to the bus stop and they told me thehy were gonna rent a movie and go to my ex's housee and asked if i wanted to come and i hate going to friends at night because my parents always call let alone a girls house bceuase they bugged me so i said no, knowing full well that would make me feel terrible because i want to fucking spend time with them and i never ever get to. and then we saw a mutual friend on the bus and they compeltely ignored me for him so i got off at the next stop and got a ride from my dad and they didnt even say bye

(copied frm an msn conversation)


so fuck lack of fucking sleep - it makes me purposely ruin waht i have knowing full well ill regret it a few minutes later, to make matters worse i cant move on from my ex because she defined happiness whne i was happy and even if i dont like her anymore (at least like taht) i dont have anything to replace her with so i almost want her.

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wow thats some ruff shit man how did this all turn out?

umm, iunno - i came to my senses for the first i was going out with that chick, and feel all like i should be pure and shit- basically the same outlook i had previouisly on life which is refreshing, i can laugh shit off now and arent in such a big hole =)

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